


Page 51

by saphsaq



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace, Star Wars Legends - All Media Types, Star Wars: Rise of Empire Era - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Fairy Tales, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-09
Updated: 2013-05-09
Packaged: 2017-12-10 21:54:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,939
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/790597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/saphsaq/pseuds/saphsaq
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Four short stories in the style of folk tales.</p>
<p>This is written for fun, not for making money. Therefore the appearance of famous Star Wars characters, liveforms and locations should not cause uproar amongst George Lucas lawyers.</p>
<p>Thanks to <a href="http://archiveofourown.org/users/Redone/pseuds/Redone">Redone</a> and MuzzleMaus for the initial idea! And thanks also to all the red one Masters for beta-reading! This story I dedicate to the Sith Coucil of the <a href="http://www.dmeb2.org/">dmeb2</a> - what a geogeous time we four had!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Page 51

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Redone](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Redone/gifts).



# Muunilinst Times

# Page 51- the Bank Holiday Supplement

# ~

**A** fter the dreadful encounter of two brave knights with a Sith - may the soul of untimely passed Master Jinn rest in peace - the Temple wondered if those dreadful creatures were newly emerged from the dark energies roaming the galaxy, or if they just had avoided extinction. To the Jedi's utter surprise it appeared that the Sith might have simply done the latter, because albeit naught but dusty corpses for the Jedi's own archives, in the myths and legends of all kinds of species inhabiting the planets and moons of the galaxy, the Sith were a vivid presence. The unexpected rediscovery of the decade-long lost studies in folk cultures undertaken by a close friend of Master Sifo-Dyas revealed the terrible truth. For your entertainment, we've selected four gemstones of intergalactic culture from this source.

##  _... And Sometimes Obscene_

_Short Anecdotes and Folk Tales from Corellia for Adult Readers_  
 _Collected and commented by Master Arik-Guga, language counsellor Master L.A. Roja_

####  **How Lord Sidious Baked Himself An Apprentice**

**O** n a dateless day in a well-hidden place in the Galaxy Far, Far Away Lord Sidious felt bored. And since he was master of the Sith, he did not need to ask the ancient ghosts on Korriban to figure out what was the source for his boredom: he lacked an apprentice. _Of course,_ he thought, _a master is incomplete without his apt pupil! Even if I have so far no problems with getting up early in the morning and fixing breakfast myself._

The next day Lord Sidious, disguised as a Corellian smuggler, pilfered a grocery freighter destined for the Jedi Temple. Back in his kitchen he took stock of his booty with satisfaction: yams powder from Tatooine, Nubian butter, Geonosian honey... After some initial misunderstandings, the captain had been cooperating. Very cooperating! So had the rest of her crew been, from the first officer down to the cabin boy. Lord Sidious wiped sweet little exhaustion off his forehead and rolled sleeves up to prepare the dough.

The first attempts however were disappointing - what came from the oven was either a slack-baked mass or as crumbling as tea cookies. So Lord Sidious tried another mixture. And another. And a third, and a fourth, and, and... He blended and kneaded until he got wet with perspiration and discovered he had spent almost all of the goods.

What was left were nothing more than a small lump of spice-bread (Kessel-style!) and a handful of Myrkr chillies, red like fire, as well as another handful of cocoa from Kashyyyk, so dark it appeared almost black. But Lord Sidious, always a man of fast decisions, said to himself: _Why not a bicoloured version?_

Now, this last attempt proceeded in a quite promising way: the red and the black dough were both of supple texture - strong, yet elastic - with a silken shine on the surface. To his utter relief this nice quality didn't even vanish when he combined the two, forming a roll weaved in red and black.

Lord Sidious stuffed the dough into the model and the model into the oven. Then he waited patiently. Besides, there was nothing else left to do, since the ingredients were all used up and cleaning the kitchen was not one of Lord Sidious's favoured pursuits. Nevertheless, there had to be at least one teeny-weeny grain of impatience in Lord Sidious character, because when the bell of the oven rang, he burned one of his fingers when tearing out the model from the heat.

Once the model was placed on the kitchen-table, the small figure in it stirred. After a second or two it rose, climbed out of the model, walked across the table and jumped down. First to the cupboard, then to the windowsill, then to the stool. With every jump the figure became taller and when it reached the ground, it was fully grown. 1.75 meters of unveiled male beauty! Sidious put the sore finger in his mouth. He had expected a decent result, but that his very last try was so close to perfection made him speechless. "My master", purred Lord Sidious' creation huskily, "I am Darth Maul." Then he extended a hand pleadingly: "Please, allow me to look after your bad finger."

# ~

##  _Riding the Storm over Mountains and Hills_

_Twi'lek Treasure of Sayings and Parables_  
 _Collected an commented by Master Arik-Guga, language counsellor Master Marchen_

####  **The Grateful Sith**

**I** n olden times - so I've been told - a Twi'lek was walking along a thaw-swollen river on Ryloth. There he saw someone struggling for life in the white floods - dark clothes, horned head, fierce tattoos - a Sith. When rescued, the Sith spoke up: "You saved my life. I will do the same for you."

They walked on, side by side and along the river. There they saw another one struggling for life in the gurgling waves - frugal clothes, fair hair, light appearance - a Jedi. When the Twi'lek wanted to help this second victim of the wild waters, the Sith laid a hand on his shoulder and said: "Don't pull this one out. He will betray you afterwards." But the Twi'lek didn't listen to the Sith and rescued the Jedi.

And as the Twi'lek arrived in the next cave-town he was captured and sentenced to death by the clan's chief, because he was a wanted brigand and the punishment for exploiting other people's ryll' claim was to be placed on a sharp pole so your own weight worked it into your body until death came. The Jedi had recognised him.

Three hours the Twi'lek sat on the pole, then the Sith appeared. Now, there was a great commotion amongst the onlookers, but the Sith subdued it in the end. Standing amongst what looked like a field of fallen red tulips - even the Jedi was beheaded - the Sith extinguished his double bladed light sabre and asked: "What did I tell you?"

"Don't trust the Jedi," the Twi'lek groaned.

"Right." Then the Sith asked a second question: "And why didn't you follow my advice?"

"Because we're meant to be generous, charitable and kind," responded the Twiâlek, mustering his last power.

"Wrong," said the Sith and walked away.

What is the moral of this tale? Whenever happening to encounter a Sith or Jedi in distress **_RUN!_**

# ~

##  _Urban Legends and other Oddities_

_incomplete edition_  
 _Fiction from Modern Coruscantian Street Poets_  
 _Collected by Master Arik-Guga, language counsellor Master Aliquis Rubra_

####  **Silence**

**T** he eyes of Lady Dauth watched the ceiling in a kind of dumb surprise. A look so matching her artificial blonde beauty that she should have put it on when alive, Lord Sidious told himself.

The demanding sound of the intercom pulled him from the silent celebration of his master's death. On the small screen blazed the sign of Coruscant metropolitan security. "Yaah... ? Uptown 5555 speaking... yes, that's me." They had got information about the incident in his apartment. A Jedi had told. That was unexpectedly early but no reason for panic. 

Two officers popped up a decent time later. It was a _mixed team_ , a human and a humanoid, quite common for the Coruscantian international administration quarters. The human part of the team was beefy and old, yet did not radiate an air of a seasoned veteran. With his baby-blue eyes in a rosy-cheeked face he appeared as dangerous as an-single-summer Krait. The non-human - brandishing his young, sports club sculpted body with pride - appeared to be of Iridonian origin. At least that was what his faded face tattoos seemed to indicate - if he had grown Zabrakian horns, they were veiled by his uniform's helmet.

"You discovered your mother?" The voice of the human officer left no doubt about its owner's distrust regarding Lord Sidious's explanations. The non-human officer just watched the Sith. They made eye contact for a moment and Lord Sidious was convinced it was neither indolence nor lack of language skills that kept the young man's mouth sealed.

Like a sleuth the older officer combed Lord Sidious's apartment, talkatively sharing his thoughts, while his partner remained mute. But when the human knelt down by the slowly stiffening corpse to examine her for the fourth or fifth time, the non-human made a flourishing gesture aimed at his partner's neck. The beefy man sagged, shivered and eventually dropped dead beside Her Ladyship.

"You left your ID in the intercom when entering the flat one hour ago," the non-human officer said.

"So what," responded Darth Sidious.

The corners of the officer's mouth twitched: "Your speech in front of the senate was very impressive. It ended a half hour ago, if I remember right."

"I wasn't aware how much youth is in politics these days," the Sith joked. "I may have an assignment for you."

"I am your man," said Lord Sidious"s new apprentice and removed the helmet from is horn crowned head.

# ~

##  _Walk in Beauty_

_Alderaanian fairy tales_  
 _Collected an commented by Master Arik-Guga, language counsellor Master LaR-Ossa_

#### 

**How The 'Sharp Edge' Came Into The World**

**I** n ancient times, when a simple wish had the power to change the entire world, a blessed royal family lived on Alderaan. 'Blessed' they were called by the people because of their daughter Lena. Shining like the midday sun, yet soft like the green moon, she roamed the pastures of Alderaan. No sigh of sorrow in a nerfherder's hut went unheard by her, no worry of a peasant or fisherman went uncared by her.

But to be blessed is a double-edged sword - the fame of her beauty and grace reached the Dark Lord of a forgotten world. He sent a spaceship with countless loads of gold-ore and raw diamonds. But Lena persuaded her parents into calling a legion of workers who processed ore and raw stone into neat jewellery, which was then shipped back to the Dark Lord.

He however was not entirely disappointed and dispatched two freighters full of ebony and ivory to Alderaan. Once again Lena convinced her parents to employ numerous workers to build artful furniture from wood and tusks.

When this second delivery arrived in the Dark Lord's house, he fell silent. Three last transporters with brocade and silk galore left his harbour. However, after a very short time the three came back, packed with the most beautiful clothes you can imagine.

Now, since there left nothing more of value on his planet, the Dark Lord boarded his private yacht and travelled to Alderaan. 

"I am here to take you with me, to make you my wife," he said when he had eventually waylaid Lena in one of Alderaan's lush savannas.

With disgust she looked at the tall male with a skin as black as his robes and a horn-adorned hairless head. "I will rather die, than become yours."

"This is a wish that can easily come true." And the dark Lord stopped her heart with his deadly dagger.

Lena's last, painful glance lingered on the soft and green grass under her feet, then she passed away. The little plants however changed into small, yet wiry and hard blades. Their sharp edges bit into the Dark Lords black skin until his blood was gushing down. Howling he ran over the plain, but the wind-wiped grass marked him over and over.

It is still believed by Alderaanians today that the grass called 'sharp edge' behaves most harshly to people with an inclination for the dark side. More harshly than to average people or Jedi, they say.

# ~

**Author's Note:**

> First published 06/05/2004 at "The Sorcerous Side of the Force" - Redone's page.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [A Zabrak Fairy Tale: Hedgehog's Advice](https://archiveofourown.org/works/798092) by [Redone](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Redone/pseuds/Redone)
  * [A Zabrak Fairy Tale: The Golden Leg](https://archiveofourown.org/works/798099) by [Redone](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Redone/pseuds/Redone)




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